Monday, May 2, 2011

Knowing

The scent of warmth greeted my weary senses when I entered my room last night. The clock said 12:41, and after a cramped 8 hours in a car surrounded by pouring rain, the sweet touch of home pulled hard at the tension twisted through my frame.


I put away my things, and curled up under my blankets, my head against a pillow that had afforded me little rest on the trip, now embracing my sleepy brain.

Mom let us sleep in this morning, sleep so blessed, so comforting, that when I rose my mind was at rest. I was ready to begin again, to court the duties of the day with determined strength. But it did not last long. Those duties began to rush in.  Math, so much Math, thoughts of the coming weekend and all I must do to prepare, of the coming weeks, even the coming months, and all the things for which completion seems impossible.

I feel as if I am in the car again, caught in a never ending waiting, waiting for all these burdens to fall, waiting to be done with them, so that I may move on.


But there is no peace in waiting, in waiting to reach a goal, in waiting to see my visions realized, in waiting for my own Mr. Knightley to bless me with his presence, in waiting for God to clear my head of my own weaknesses and fear.


There is no peace here. None.

So I must stop waiting, stop waiting and start doing. I must press forward, move my feet toward the light, no matter how far away it seems.


And if I need stop, to be still, I will not be waiting, I will be knowing. Knowing that I am safe in His presence, knowing that no matter the future that nudges my present, nor the past that has shaped where I am now, I am wrapped in the blessedness of the moment. I am bound in a warmth I cannot express, and my heart can be at peace.


From the bottom of my heart,

Emma

Note:  I wrote these thoughts after a long trip home from Arkansas the weekend before last.  Looking back, now, at the wisdom the Lord gave me, I am blessed again by the love no mortal man can describe.

6 comments:

KatySue Pillsbury said...

There is no peace in waiting, what an accurate word picture of my life right now! Always rushing and busy, but feeling unproductive and waiting for something, anything to happen.

God has been clearing my head and urging me forward into unknown and rather frightening territory, but He will be there walking along beside me no matter what! What a relief giving Him power over my life…..until I try to wrestle it back from Him that is. What foolish creatures we humans are!

Where are all the Mr. Knightley’s hanging out anyway? There seems to be a sore lack of them these days..... ;-)

Lydia Covey, Harpist said...

Such clear wisdom Emma. This reminds me of part of the conversation we had last week. Yes, we must prepare in part for the future, but with all our heart we must accept and take complete hold of our current day. Oh the peace that does come from living in the present.
Praising Him for your peace!
(and the pictures are beautiful Jo :)

Sarah Elizabeth said...

this blessed me so so much this morning. thank u emma

Rae said...

Wow.. this is really what I need to hear right now... It amazes me how close you described what is going on in my heart...
Thanks so much for sharing...

Everly Pleasant said...

Amen, sister. :)

I feel the same way. How often I sit in a puddle of "somedays," "if-onlys" and daydreams, waiting for something to change, happen, occur. And then life slips out from under my feet like a river and I realize I'm wasting my time.

Thank you!

Everly

Stephanie said...

I know this is an older post, but I wanted to applaud you, Emma, for moving forward as God leads you. As a sister who's a few years farther down the path, one of my greatest regrets is just sitting around waiting. What adventures I could have had as an unmarried girl without the responsibilities of husband and children! I adore my life now and wouldn't change it for the world, but I had several years between high school and marriage when I could have been doing more than just...waiting. Go for it!