How To Say It

I'm sitting in the dark of my apartment living-room.  I don't know what I'm going to say, what words I'm going to put here.  I know only that I need to write.  I need to write because it's in me, because it's good, and a reminder of all things good, and because my Mom, my sweet Momma, was so supportive of my writing, and so proud.  She saw something in me, and she pushed me to pursue it, the push I needed... the push I'm feeling dreadfully alone without.

I'm so weary of these emotions, these heavy, weighted emotions.  But, they're not done with me yet.
Not yet.

It's so difficult to see God's goodness anymore, even though I've seen so much of it, been blessed so strongly by it.  Now, in the dark, in the depth of this intolerable loneliness, it's difficult to trust that goodness.







This is heavy ya'll, and I'm sorry.  I don't want to grouch.  I want to say sweet, artistic, heart-blessing things.  But I have to tell the truth.

The truth is, life isn't easy.  Life hurts.  And I wish it would stop.

And, yet, deep down, there is goodness.  There is, because it was goodness that led me to open my computer, to ease my grief with the pressing of words onto this page, to open the black box of my loneliness, and share.

Because, dear readers, we must always share.  The hurt and the hope, the cold and the warmth, the truth, heavy, hard, and sweet.  Bittersweet.  But still sweet.

And all this heaviness, the broken words scattered here, are tokens of the goodness that will never leave us, nor forsake us.

A goodness I will find again, someday.

Thanks for listening,

-  Emma Pearl

And the Spirit of the Lord shall rest upon him, the Spirit of wisdom and understanding, the Spirit of counsel and might, the Spirit of knowledge and the fear of the Lord.  And his delight shall be in the fear of the Lord. - Isaiah 11:2

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